2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
