You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
