My friends, they love my intelligence
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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