Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
