I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
