Porn is love you can see.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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