You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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