You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
