I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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