I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
