last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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