Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
