ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
