I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
