I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
