I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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