Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
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I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
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"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize