He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
