Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
