I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
