That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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