Tell her she can't have a vagina
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
