I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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