All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
