I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
