pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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