ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
