He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
