Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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