i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
