Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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