Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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