i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
