that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
