my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
