I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
