I met the friendliest cop last night
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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