just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
