Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
