I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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