There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
