I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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