i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
where am i from again
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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