a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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