Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
