Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize