Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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