I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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