I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
