I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
