I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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