did you get engaged???
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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