I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
