That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
