I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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