wanna go halves on a baby?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
