I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
