I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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