So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
