I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
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