Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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