i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
