she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
