He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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