So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You left your phone here
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