I wish I could punch you in the face.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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