we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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