I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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