Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
