I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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