HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Is it because I queefed?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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