I cockslap morals
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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