I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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