oh god the rape fog is back!
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Randomize
