the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
