New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
