dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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