Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
