I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
