I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
