You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
