Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
