He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize