She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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